To truly understand our partners, we need to go beyond simply listening to their words. We must also read between the lines and act accordingly, because genuine understanding involves being aligned with each other.
Understandingā means knowing the different definitions you both have of the same word.
For example, as an introvert, my idea of āquality timeā means having deep conversations in a quiet space. However, for my extroverted husband, āquality timeā means going out for dinners.
We encounter problems when we fail to recognize each otherās definitions and appreciate the differences.
In our case, following my husbandās definition of āquality timeā exhausted me, while following my definition bored him.Ā It was not until we had a fight about it that we realized the root of the problem.
So fights, even though ugly at times, are important.
We may see them as conflicts and believe this relationship is not going to work or see them as opportunities to learn more about our partners and ourselves.
Because fights push us to share our deeper thoughts we donāt normally share. We hold them in for whatever reason and then scream it all out when frustrated. So you can either get critical or see fights as a means to understand where your partner is coming from.
āUnderstandingā our partners is an ongoing process.
Sometimes we might think we know everything about the people weāre closest to. But as we all change and grow over time, our thoughts, behaviors, and values can change too. So even the people we love might change in ways we donāt expect or understand at first.
The habits and thought process we once connected with may shift, and itās important to pay close attention to these changes.
So to maintain our strong connections, itās important to:
- Regularly check in with our partners
- Be open-minded and flexible to learn about their new interests and perspectives
